In November of 2005, the Vatican, in a misguided response to clergy sex abuse scandals which in fact had little or nothing to do with homosexuality, per se, released an official document reiterating and strengthening its anti-gay policies. Homosexual acts, the document stated, are "grave sins" that are intrinsically immoral and contrary to natural law. "The Church," it continued, "cannot admit to the Seminary and to Holy Orders those who practice homosexuality, present deeply rooted homosexual tendencies or support the so-called gay culture." In the year since the newspaper article had appeared about us, Joy had already been made to feel extremely unwelcome at church, though she had continued to attend mass regularly. The Vatican's statement, however, was the "last straw." She felt that she was being forced to choose between "the truth of [her] life" and the teachings of the church in which she'd grown up. The following letter to Archbishop Curtiss of the Omaha diocese was her explanation of the decision she felt she had no choice but to make. For more information about our journey as a mixed-orientation couple and how we've come to terms with "The Gay Thing," feel free to take a look at our The Gay Thing page.   November 23, 2005 An Open Letter to the Most Reverend Elden Curtiss, Archbishop of Omaha Your Excellency: It is with deep regret that I feel compelled to write this letter. Recent news reports have included passages from new Vatican documents regarding homosexuality and ministry. These documents bar practicing homosexuals, persons with deeply-rooted homosexual tendencies, and those who support "gay culture" from ordination and sacred orders. I was raised from childhood as a Roman Catholic, and have tried to be a faithful daughter of the Church. I have been active in ministry, serving as a lector for over 15 years at St. Cecilia Cathedral here in Omaha. But I find the reality of my life to be in direct conflict with my continued ministry in the Catholic Church. The truth of my life is that my husband is a practicing homosexual with deeply-rooted homosexual tendencies. His coming out, after repressing his God-given orientation for nearly 40 years and through a decade of marriage, was devastating for me. As part of the process of coming to terms with his orientation, I became supportive of "gay culture" and of full civil rights for GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) persons, including the right to marry. It would seem that the logical conclusion to be gleaned from these Vatican documents is that I am to be denied the right to an active role in ministry in the Roman Catholic Church. I suppose I should not be surprised. Over the past year, since publicly coming forward as the straight wife of a gay man, I have been ostracized at church by other parishioners, and my children have been taunted and teased by classmates and playmates who attended Catholic school with them. The Catechism teaches that spouses who give witness to faithful love under difficult conditions deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesiastical community, yet none of the support and gratitude I have received has come from within the Catholic Church. And mine is not an isolated case. Estimates are that more than two million men and women are currently or have previously been married to a GLBT person. Most of these marriages end in divorce; only 16% remain married three years after a spouse's GLBT orientation is discovered or disclosed. Most of these spouses remain deep in their own "closets," ashamed of a situation they did not create. Society's failure to acknowledge and sanction committed same-sex relationships continues to contribute to this problem. Many young GLBT persons are told that they only need to marry a person of the opposite gender to be "cured" of their same-sex attractions. But that is a lie. Sexual orientation is a gift from the God who created all things, and as one of God's gifts, it must be accepted. It cannot be "cured." It is with great sorrow that I have come to the conclusion that I must resign my ministry and leave the denomination in which I was raised. I feel forced to choose between the person I love most, the person I chose above all others to share my life, and the Catholic Church. I choose to honor my marriage vows, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death parts us. I choose to stay with the man I love, and to raise our children together with him. I choose to love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind, and to love my neighbor as myself. I am not turning away from God. In fact, my faith is stronger now than ever. My answer to God is that of Samuel: "Speak, Lord. Your servant hears." My prayer to God is that of Christ, the Lord: "Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." May God have mercy on all of us when we face his final judgment. Sincerely, Lydia Joy Burgdorf   The pastor of St. Cecilia Cathedral responded to Joy with a three-page letter in which he "picked nits," but completely ignored the actual reasons for her decision. He pointed out, for example, that the Vatican's document technically only applied to those entering seminary, overlooking the fact that any such document has ramifications beyond its specific focus and helps to create a "climate," whether positive or negative, within the church. He also claimed that she was incorrect in saying she'd received no support or gratitude from those at the cathedral, since after all, he himself had on at least one occasion offered her a perfunctory, "Thank you for your service as a lector," as if that would offset the fact that many parishioners wouldn't even make eye contact with her any more, much less speak with her. The Archbishop himself wrote simply, "I do not understand the reasons why you must resign your membership at the Cathedral or leave the Catholic Church." That was literally his entire comment. Whether he honestly didn't understand, or just didn't want to have to deal with the issues she raised, we'll probably never know.